Dahhling! It’s just so wonderful to see you! I hardly recognised you, you look so different!
Mmmwah! Thank you darling. It’s my new look, what do you think?
I love it! Really! It’s so fresh and exciting. Edgy. Just marvellous!
I know. The old look was just getting stale. That whole ‘we must avoid more than 2°C warming’ thing, it just had to go.
Well of course. Claiming the earth is still warming is sooo 1998. It’s time we all moved on.
Exactly my love. It’s deep oceans now. Deep. Oceans. What could be more profound?
Nothing darling. It’s bang on trend. Ahead of it even. I’m sure the data will follow along any day now.
Oh who cares? I’m all High Latitude Anomalies now darling. Not much data there!
Wonderful. Have you thought about trying hurricanes? Just for a little while. You know, to see how it goes.
Oh no, darling. Too much data there. Not on-message. Too simple – the proles might actually understand it!
*Both bray with laughter*
But seriously darling, why not just stick with sea levels? Everyone gets that one – it’s the biggie. Isn’t it? The big one.
Oh, it’s just been done to death. I can’t be bothered anymore. Really. I won’t even mention it.
But gosh, you do look good. Is Mikey Mann still your stylist?
Oh no darling! Not him. Frightful little man. Nobody goes to him anymore.